


Love Scenario

by citruscake



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Strained Relationships, Unresolved Emotional Tension, junmyeon is a mess, mentions of past TaoHun, mentions of past xiuhan, running away from the truth, they're a stubborn mess, yifan is also a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-04-21 00:50:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14273340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citruscake/pseuds/citruscake
Summary: They loved each other so much, that they couldn't see the truth.Alternatively, the EXO members watch Junmyeon and Yifan's relationship deteriorate as the distance between them grows wider.





	1. 01. Stuck in the Same Place

**Author's Note:**

> song rec: I Wait - Day6

12.20.2015

 

\---

 

Sehun recognized it first.

 

After EXO finished their promotions for their winter special for the year, he noticed Junmyeon spending more and more time typing away furiously on his phone, spending hours upon hours awake at night. He had asked Junmyeon once about who he was talking to, but a simple grunt of frustration coming from the leader told him all he needed to know.

 

Junmyeon was talking to Yifan again.

 

The last year and a half had been hell for the members of EXO, but Junmyeon was the one who had it the hardest. He and Yifan, previously wildly in love, had a major fight before the latter left SM Entertainment for good, and the two hadn't spoken in over a year. Sehun could guess that at this point in time, they were trying to make things work again.

 

He knew how hard long distance relationships were. He and Zitao saw how Minseok and Luhan didn't last, so they called it quits to preserve their friendship.

 

But Junmyeon…

 

Junmyeon was too in love with Yifan for his own good. Hell, they probably both were. It didn't take a genius to see how much the two loved each other, despite their differences. They brought the best out in each other when they were physically together, after all, and everyone loved them so much.

 

Seeing Junmyeon as he was now, Sehun knew they wouldn't last.

 

\-----

 

The days ticked by, and Sehun watched Junmyeon get more and more frustrated at his phone. Finally, Sehun had had enough and asked him what was happening.

 

"It's Yifan. He's trying to convince me that what he's doing is for our own good, for our future, but he's become so much more irritating. I don't understand.. It's only been a year.."

 

Sehun didn't have the heart to correct him. It had been way more than a year since Yifan broke Junmyeon's heart. "A lot can change in a year, hyung."

 

"I know, but we were supposed to make things work. We have so many more years of this ahead of us, how are we supposed to make it last?"

 

"I'm sure you can do it. You're stronger than anyone I know. Even Minseok-hyung."

 

"Oh please, Sehunnie," Junmyeon replied, giggling softly, "Minseok could snap me in half."

 

"I'd let him snap me in half." That earned him a smack on the back of the head. "Ow!! What the hell?"

 

"I just hope things will get better between us. I really want to have a future with him."

 

\-------

 

02.13.16

 

The other members didn't notice when Junmyeon left the dorm that day. Sehun had, though; he watched as the leader snuck out without a peep, and he noticed the huge grin on his face when he returned.

 

That night, in their shared room, Sehun asked Junmyeon if he had seen Yifan.

 

"Yeah, Sehunnie.. We had a really long talk. He still loves me. I think we're going to be okay," Junmyeon had said.

 

"How long is he in town for?"

 

"Two more days. We're going to hang out tomorrow, hopefully."

 

Sehun had loved Yifan like a brother, possibly even a dad, but after seeing the extreme highs and lows that Junmyeon had gone through in the past few months, he wasn't so sure that Yifan would be the best person for Junmyeon anymore.

 

 

\-------

 

04.11.16

 

Sehun walked into their shared bedroom to find Junmyeon crying on his bed, surrounded by polaroids from the previous years and his phone. Immediately, he rushed over to his hyung, gently collecting the polaroids and putting them on the nightstand, and then sitting down next to him.

 

"Hyung, what happened?"

 

"It's Yifan…" Sehun had to physically restrain the groan threatening to bubble up from his throat.

 

"Did he hurt your feelings?"

 

"He's started filming a drama, and he's just.. he's been so distant. It's like he doesn't have time for me anymore."

 

"Hyung, it's okay. We're busy too, it's natural. We're not always going to have time to talk to each other. Yifan is still being good to you, right?"

 

"Yeah, he still says he loves me…"

 

Sehun's heart shattered when Junmyeon lifted his head, eyes puffy and red, with snot threatening to drip out of his nose. He quickly grabbed the tissue box from their nightstand and handed it to the leader, who took a few tissues and blew his nose loudly. As much as he wanted to intervene in their relationship, he knew that only Junmyeon or Yifan could make a move.

 

The youngest gestured to Junmyeon's phone, silently asking if he could read their conversation. With Junmyeon's nod of approval, he unlocked the phone to see a shocking set of messages.

 

FanFan: Junmyeon, I can't always be there for you. You're going to have to deal with it.

 

FanFan: We said we could make this work, didn't we?

 

FanFan: You and I both have pre-existing projects that occupy our time. You just tend to let your mind wander a lot more than I can.

 

Myeonnie: But Fan.. You can at least text me to let me know that you're thinking about me…

 

Myeonnie: Why would you say it like that? Can't you at least meet me halfway?

 

Myeonnie: Are my feelings not valid too? I know you don't express your feelings a lot, but you know how I am.. I need to hear it from you that you miss me, otherwise I start to doubt myself, doubt us..

 

FanFan: Okay Myeon, I'll do that from now on.

 

Myeonnie: I'm sorry for being so needy..

 

FanFan: It's okay. I love that about you.

 

Myeonnie: I love you Fan…

 

FanFan: I love you too Myeon.

 

Sehun could already see the direction this was going to go in. Knowing Yifan and how harsh he could be sometimes, and knowing how sensitive Junmyeon could be, Sehun knew this was a recipe for disaster. Yifan couldn't help Junmyeon be less reliant on him, and Junmyeon couldn't help Yifan be softer. Unfortunately, all Sehun could do was hope that the disaster would come sooner than later, and save Junmyeon the heartbreak.

 


	2. 02. Why?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jongdae tries to bring Junmyeon back to reality, even if only for a little bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song rec: WHY - got7

06.16.16

 

Jongdae was the next one to notice.

 

It was right after their first win for Monster promotions, while they celebrated at a ramyun shop; every member was high on the excitement that came with a win, talking loudly, laughing, and celebrating in every way possible.

 

Except for Junmyeon, who was furiously typing away on his phone with a scowl on his face, ramyun untouched in front of him.

 

Jongdae asked Baekhyun to switch spots with him and seated himself next to the leader. "What's wrong, Suho-hyung?"

 

"It's Yifan. I told him how happy we were for winning on M Countdown, and all he said was 'good job.' Really?! Good job?! He knows how hard we used to work for promotions!" Junmyeon huffed and took a giant slurp of his ramyun.

 

Jongdae placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure he's really proud of us. He's probably just busy."

 

"It sucks that he's too busy to give a proper congratulations. I always make sure to call him and tell him how proud I am of him when he releases new music. The least he could do is wait to give me a genuine congrats."

 

"You know how he is, hyung. He'll probably call you later tonight and tell you just how proud he is of you."

 

Junmyeon just continued to scowl at his phone, deleting the sixth message he was about to send Yifan. "Still.. he knows I like being praised.."

 

"Just try to relax and live in the now. Yifan isn't here, we are. C'mon, let's join Minseok hyung and Chanyeol in their drinking contest."

 

The leader's head snapped up immediately. "Excuse me? Drinking contest? With Minseok and Chanyeol? He's going to black out!"

 

And just like that, their leader was back to normal, fussing over his members. Jongdae smiled and watched, but was snapped out of it when Sehun nudged him.

 

"He stayed up til 3 in the morning talking to Yifan. I think he's out of it right now, hyung." Sehun whispered to the vocalist.

 

"Has he always been like this?"

 

"It's been getting worse over the last few months. He keeps checking his phone to see if Yifan responds to him."

 

Jongdae thought for a moment. He had noticed the way Junmyeon made a beeline for his phone every time they took a break from dance practice, and how he always went straight to his room to FaceTime Yifan once they returned from the studio. "Do you think he's going to get any better?"

 

"Only time will tell.. I hope Yifan realizes what he's doing to hyung soon. I hate seeing him suffer like this."

 

\------

 

07.21.16

 

It got worse.

 

"I don't get it, Jongdae. He's so … frustrating! Is it really so hard to show some emotion every now and then?"

 

"What happened now, Suho-hyung?"

 

"Nothing really. I'm just upset that he's being emotionless again. You know how often I tell him I love him?" Junmyeon shook his phone in frustration.

 

"All the time?"

 

"All the time! And he just says 'love you too.' He never goes into details about why he loves me, Dae. I'm starting to wonder if he's just saying that to make me happy."

 

"Y'know hyung, you don't have to be so dependent on him to love you. There's 8 other people here who love you just as much as he does, if not more." Jongdae tried to pull him into a hug, but Junmyeon just kept huffing, eventually throwing his phone onto the couch and tearing up.

 

"It's so frustrating… I don't want my relationship with him to be like this, Dae.. We were so happy…" Junmyeon choked out, eventually hugging Jongdae back. That was when Jongdae's heart broke.

 

"Hyung… Do you really want to be with someone who makes you feel this way?" he pulled back from the hug and stared Junmyeon in the eyes, searching for an answer.

 

"I don't want to be with just anyone, I want to be with him. We used to be so happy together and I know once this is over we're going to be so great again.."

 

A red flag went up in Jongdae's brain. "When is this going to be over?"

 

"… I don't know… I'm just going to go sulk in my room and try to distract myself. Thank you for listening, Dae.."

 

Jongdae just nodded and watched the leader walk back to his room, anxiously checking his phone. Conveniently, Sehun was exiting their room, another look of concern on his face as he passed Junmyeon. He looked up towards Jongdae, who just shrugged and sighed.

 

"He's not getting any better, Hunnie. I'm worried about him."

 

"He's the only one who can end it. Yifan sure as hell isn't going to do it - he's too busy to even see what he's doing to hyung."

 

The two of them just watched as Junmyeon gently closed the door to his room, sighing and shaking their heads.


	3. 03. same old shit but a different day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junmyeon tries to bake a strawberry shortcake, but ends up crying in Jongin's and Kyungsoo's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song rec: what2do - dean

09.01.16

 

"Yifan, are you kidding me right now?! That's all you have to say?! I worked my _ass_ off to get that win! We all did!"

 

_"Myeon. I'm sorry. I'm tired and I don't have a lot of time to speak right now."_

 

"You're unbelievable. I can't believe I'm dating you. Why are you so heartless?!"

 

Kyungsoo and Jongin froze as they entered the dorm, to find an _angry_ Junmyeon circling the kitchen as he baked a strawberry shortcake.  In order to cope with the stress, Junmyeon had taken up baking as a hobby, with each dessert coming out a little less than perfect and making him more frustrated every time.

 

_"I mean it when I say I'm proud of you, Myeonnie. I'm proud of all of you. You're doing a great job."_

 

Jongin and Kyungsoo peered from the corner of the kitchen, to see Junmyeon who had stopped pacing, and was now seated in front of the oven, head facing the ground.

 

"…Thank you, Fan.. I love you."

 

_"I love you too. I'll talk to you later, okay?"_

 

"Okay…"

 

_"Bye bye, Myeonnie."_

 

"Bye bye, Fan Fan…"

 

_click._

 

Jongin's eyes widened in shock as he witnessed his leader crying, suddenly overcome with sadness as he rushed over to Junmyeon and hugged him. Kyungsoo also walked in, expressionless since he knew this wasn't the first time that Junmyeon had cried over Yifan.

 

"We used to be so close, Nini.. We used to be so happy together.. What happened…" Junmyeon choked out in between sobs.

 

Jongin patted him gently on the back. "It's ok hyung.. Let it all out."

 

Kyungsoo just watched the scene play before him in silence, because he remembered everything. He remembered how Yifan hadn't liked Junmyeon at all initially, finding his cheeriness and his dad jokes off-putting. He remembered how the two had shared absolutely nothing in common, and had bonded as a result of being fond of the weirdness of their members. He remembered those nights in 2013 when Junmyeon would come to his dorm, crying and venting about how Yifan wasn't affectionate enough, or how Yifan spent more time with Chanyeol than he did with him, or how Yifan seemed to take interest in everything but Junmyeon at times.

 

 

The timer beeped on the oven, but Junmyeon didn't move. Kyungsoo gently nudged the two of them over so he could pull out the shortcake and prevent a kitchen fire.

 

"Hyung, how long has he been hurting you like this?" Jongin asked softly, running his hands through Junmyeon's hair gently.

 

"He's not hurting me on purpose.. I know he's busy but I just.. I need his attention sometimes, you know? I want him to tell me he loves me, to tell me how much he misses me, to express how proud he is more freely, but he's just.. He's not emotional. It's so frustrating being the only one in the relationship who has any emotions."

 

"He never has been good at being emotional, hyung. I think it was easier for him when he was around all of us."

 

Junmyeon nodded, still facing the ground. "I wish he hadn't left.. Everything would have been fine if he hadn't left.. He'd be here right now.. with me.. happy…"

 

"Junmyeon hyung." Kyungsoo finally spoke up, unable to listen to his leader wallow in sadness. "You can exist without Kris hyung. You've been doing it already for almost two years. You don't need his validation - please don't let him tear away at you like this. It hurts me to see you like this."

 

He finally looked up, puffy eyes meeting Kyungsoo's. Unable to stare at the snot dripping down his nose, he walked over to the sink, ripping off a couple of paper towels and handing it to Jongin, who handed it to the leader.

 

"We're always here for you, hyung. Please don't forget about us." Jongin said quietly, rubbing circles into Junmyeon's forearm soothingly. Junmyeon laid his head on Jongin's shoulder in defeat.

 

"I'm sorry I'm like this, guys. I promise I'll be back to normal soon."

 

"Don't apologize. You're human, you're allowed to have emotions." Kyungsoo replied bluntly. He had to look away with embarrassment when Junmyeon started to smile, threatening to break into a sob of happiness at Kyungsoo's words of encouragement.

 

The next morning, Junmyeon was completely back to normal. No one made any comments as he walked out of his bedroom with a smile on his face, greeting the members good morning as he made his breakfast. Sehun just looked up from his spot on the couch, making eye contact with Jongdae across the room, who turned to look at Junmyeon.

 

"We had a long conversation last night, Dae. I think we're going to make it." Junmyeon replied to the un-asked question, to which Jongdae just nodded warily.

 

"I give it a week," Kyungsoo muttered under his breath. Jongdae glared and threw a pillow at him, accidentally hitting Jongin in the face instead. The dancer immediately snapped his head up from it's spot in Kyungsoo's lap, whining about how he was a baby and needed to be 'handled with care.'

 

\-------

 

09.15.16

 

Somehow, Yifan was standing in their dorm, talking to Junmyeon. Jongin watched from a crack in his door,  ignoring Sehun and Kyungsoo behind him. He could see and hear everything: Junmyeon's huge smile. Yifan's gentle teasing. Junmyeon smacking him on the shoulder and hugging him tightly. 

 

"Fan.. Do you ever wonder what our relationship would be like if it wasn't primarily through text?"

 

"We'd be a lot better, probably. You wouldn't have so much time to think about what ifs, because you'd be with me."

 

"Or you'd be with _me_ … Do you ever think about coming back?"

 

"Sometimes.. But it's better this way, Myeonnie. You know what would happen if I came back.."

 

Junmyeon rested his head on Yifan's shoulder, sighing contently. "I know. I want you to be happy."

 

Jongin huffed in irritation from his spot at the door. "What about _him??_ Doesn't he deserve to be happy too?!"

 

"You know how Junmyeon hyung is, Nini," Sehun drawled from his spot on Jongin's bed, absentmindedly playing games on his phone, "he puts literally everyone's happiness before his own."

 

"Does he really want to blindly follow Yifan once we're done with EXO?? Has he really thought about his future like that??"

 

"Our super leader hyung is kind of stuck in the clouds right now.. Once he's with Kris hyung, he's so in love that he's looking at him like the sun shines out of his ass." Sehun replied.

 

"But the sun shines out of Dae's ass, doesn't it?"

 

"I think you mean Baekhyun's ass. He's the one with the light powers, after all." Kyungsoo chimed in, looking up from his book. Sehun snorted.

 

Jongin peered back out the door, to see Junmyeon and Yifan seated on the couch and watching TV. Every now and then, Junmyeon would look directly at Yifan,  smiling wider than his own face. And every time, Yifan wouldn't make eye contact with him but would gently turn his head back to the TV.

 

It frustrated Jongin to see how delusional his hyung was. Yifan definitely wasn't the most perfect guy out there, and he definitely wasn't the perfect guy for Junmyeon.

 

Jongin wondered how long it would be until Junmyeon cried over Yifan again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi all, i know there isn't a lot of feedback being offered for this fic. that's fine with me.  
> i'm writing this more as a release of sorts rather than for attention - since i'm prewriting, updates are a little more consistent. 
> 
> as always, thank you for your support, be it visible or invisible. it is very much appreciated.  
> come find me on twitter @_kjunmye0n or on tumblr @citruscake if you're more into my graphics!


	4. your beggar, your fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yixing reads an unsent letter to Yifan and realizes that Junmyeon is hurting much more than any of EXO had previously thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song rec: beggar - ztao

 

 

 

12.22.16

 

"How do I tell him I want a ring for Christmas?"

 

Yixing choked on his milk tea, sitting upright from his spot on Junmyeon's bed.

 

"What??"

 

Junmyeon's eyes stared dreamily into the distance. "Yeah.. I can't wait til we can be together again.. We're gonna have the bluest wedding ever. Wanna be my best man?"

 

Yixing choked on his milk tea again. "Are you sure you want to do that? Junmyeon, I know you want things to be magically normal again once this is all over, but how do you even know you're going to be the same people once you're back together consistently?"

 

"I just know we will be. He loves me, Yixing."

 

Yixing could only stare at the delusional man in front of him and pray to every god in the universe that Junmyeon would get a reality check soon. It had been a couple of months since Yifan had been in town, and apparently he would be coming back before Christmas. Junmyeon had sent him a new pair of glasses for his birthday, and was ecstatic when he saw how often Yifan was wearing them to events. It seemed like they were going to be okay for a while, but from what Yixing learned from the others, Junmyeon would be experiencing another low pretty soon.

 

"Jun, are you sure about this? We're still young. You don't have to tie yourself down right now."

 

Silence.

 

"Jun."

 

"What?" Junmyeon looked up from his phone, eyes wide with blank confusion. Yixing just sighed and continued to sip his milk tea.

 

"Who are you talking to, Jun?"

 

"Yifan. He's telling me about a movie he watched with some of his friends." Yixing heard the slight inflections in his voice, signaling his jealousy.

 

".. Do you want to do something else? We can go watch a movie, too. I heard Kyungsoo's movie was really good."

 

Junmyeon put his phone down, smiling at Yixing. "Sure, I'd love to. Anything to support our Dyo."

 

"Wanna watch with the rest of the members, too? I bet they haven't seen it yet."

 

Junmyeon nodded, standing up from his spot on his bed to corral the rest of the members who were home into the living room. Yixing just sighed and looked around Junmyeon and Sehun's bedroom, examining all of Junmyeon's items. He noticed several pieces of paper on Junmyeon's desk, a few of them balled up and scattered everywhere.Curiosity got the best of Yixing, so he picked up one of the papers and skimmed through the writing on it. Quickly, he realized it was a letter to Yifan, dated from a few days ago.

 

_Yifan,_

_I don't know how much longer I can do this. We said that we would make it but it's getting so, so hard. I find that we work best when we're physically together.. The Yifan I know, the Yifan I fell in love with, is not the Yifan I know now. The You that I know now is the one primarily through text, who is only there randomly for me._

_I get it. I get that you're busy. I mean, I'm busy too. I just want you to make more time for me, to be gentler with me. I know, you've always been this harsh. It's just, I would hope to expect kinder treatment towards someone you want to marry._

_Do you really love me? Or are you just staying with me for the convenience? I wish you weren't so hard to read. I think if you were able to express yourself more, then we could make this relationship work._

_I don't plan on sending this to you, nor will I probably read over it again. I just needed to vent. I'm so tired of fighting with you. I don't want this to be our future. Please, please.. For the both of us, I hope you get a reality check soon._

Yixing felt numb as he put down the letter. He knew he shouldn't have read it, but he hated seeing Junmyeon suffer like this. All of them had known how Yifan was when they were all together back in 2013 - the "cold city guy" who had a soft side, turned extremely soft when he was around Junmyeon.

 

"Yixing! We're ready to watch the movie, are you coming? Baekhyun made popcorn - " Junmyeon poked his head in the door, eyes widening in shock as he realized that Yixing had just read one of the letters. He scurried over to his desk, quickly shoving all of the papers aside.

 

"Don't worry about me, I just had to get my frustrations out.. Yifan and I are fine, I promise." he offered a sheepish smile to Yixing, who wasn't buying it.

 

"Do you think he's going to change, Jun?"

 

The quick nod that he received in response only made his heart hurt. Yixing just offered a fake smile to Junmyeon, putting his arm around his shoulder and guiding him out of the room. In the back of his head, Yixing knew that this wouldn't be the last letter that Junmyeon would be writing and never sending.

 

 


	5. 05. dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's chanyeol and baekhyun's turn to try to bring junmyeon closer to the light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song rec: dinner - suho & jane jang

02.13.17

 

Chanyeol slammed the door open to their dorm. Immediately, he was met with four pairs of confused eyes, belonging to Jongin, Sehun, Jongdae, and Baekhyun.

 

"WHERE IS SUHO HYUNG?" Chanyeol practically yell-asked.

 

"I DON'T KNOW," Baekhyun yelled back.

 

"WHY ARE WE YELLING?" Jongdae yelled.

 

Sehun just groaned and covered his ears, attempting to refocus on the TV. Jongin flat out ignored Chanyeol, opting instead to browse his phone.

 

"HAVE YOU LISTENED TO CURTAIN? SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH OUR HYUNG," Chanyeol continued to yell, despite knowing that everyone could hear him just fine.

 

"HE'S BEEN NOT OKAY FOR THE LAST YEAR, HOW HAVE YOU NOT NOTICED?" Jongdae yelled back. Both Baekhyun and Chanyeol turned to look at him incredulously. "Wait, you guys actually haven't noticed?"

 

The room fell silent as Junmyeon entered from his spot on the balcony, launching his phone at the couch in frustration and almost hitting Jongin with it. The phone bounced and landed in Sehun's lap, unlocked for all of the world to see his conversation with Yifan.

 

"I don't get it! He can't even try to visit for our anniversary?" Junmyeon huffed, rubbing his face. "I went to China that one time to see his movie premier with him!! And he can't even adjust his schedules to come see me?!"

 

Chanyeol and Baekhyun stared at their leader, eyes wide with shock, while the remaining three just looked at each other nervously.

 

"Hyung," Sehun started, "when was the last time you two spend a holiday together..?"

 

"It's been years, Sehunnie," he snapped, "Fan always makes the excuse that we're both too busy to hang out anymore. He's calling me less and less. I talk to Yixing more than I talk to Fan, and he's also in China!!"

 

"That's it, I'm your boyfriend now." Baekhyun stood up and hugged Junmyeon tightly, cooing to him. "Please take care of me ~"

 

"No, I'm his boyfriend!" Chanyeol moved from his spot in the doorway to swoop Junmyeon off of his feet, earning a soft giggle from the leader.

 

"Guys, it's okay, really!" he exclaimed, covering his face and Chanyeol tried to nuzzle into him. "Fan and I are just going through another rough patch. We'll be okay!"

 

Baekhyun looked at Sehun, who counted out at least ten 'rough patches.' He shook his head, signaling that no, they weren't going to be okay, and no, they were never going to get any better. He sighed and jumped up to give Junmyeon a kiss on the cheek - the latter blushed almost immediately and covered his cheek.

 

"You guys are too nice to me, I swear…"

 

"You deserve it, hyung. You're a great person," Jongdae said, smiling softly.

 

"I wish I could agree with you, Dae.."

 

\----

 

09.20.13

 

At the time, everyone had been celebrating with pizza and soju in their dorm, with half of the members positively drunk out of their minds.

 

Junmyeon and Yifan, however, were reaching that state without ever touching a glass. The two were practically glued to each other, smiling and whispering stupid things to each other. Every now and then, Junmyeon would just look up at Yifan and smile, before darting in and giving him a quick peck on the cheek. And every now and then, Yifan would hold Junmyeon closer.

 

Baekhyun remembered as clear as day - in the months after that first win, he could see Yifan's motivation starting to drain. It made sense, really; it didn't take a genius to know that SM was prioritizing the K members over the M members. However, it seemed Yifan was the one who was starting to reach his limit with the mistreatment.

 

Once, Baekhyun had tried to talk to Yifan about it, but the night he went to knock on Yifan's bedroom door, he could hear crying. Junmyeon's crying. As he sat in front of the door and listened, it became evident that Yifan would be making his departure from EXO in the coming months.

 

Baekhyun didn't want to believe it, but he knew Yifan wouldn't be happy if he continued to stay in EXO. From what he had heard from Chanyeol, Yifan's heart lay more with acting and producing a different genre of music, and if he had stayed in EXO, he would never be able to pursue those passions any further.

 

Judging by Junmyeon's sniffling, he must have also known that this was the best decision for Yifan to make. In those quiet hours of the night, Baekhyun heard Junmyeon and Yifan's whispered promise to make things work, no matter what happened.

 

If only he had known back then what the coming years would bring. Maybe he could have prevented his leader's heartbreak altogether, or at least prevented it from dragging on into 2017.

 

 

\------

 

02.13.17

 

Chanyeol and Baekhyun had cornered Junmyeon in their bedroom, hoping they could clarify a few things, like who Curtain was about. Junmyeon had just denied that it was about anyone and tried to get up, but Baekhyun threw himself into the leader's lap, effectively trapping him in his spot on the bed.

 

"Guys, seriously, I'm fine. I didn't write the lyrics to that song! I just wanted to sing a ballad." Junmyeon tried to explain, but the two puppies weren't having it.

 

"You don't ever sing with that much passion unless you're thinking about someone, hyung. I would know, I do the same thing!" Baekhyun replied, poking his cheeks.

 

"I do it too, hyung.. Especially when I've written the song myself. It helps make it easier to perform when you put more emotion into it," Chanyeol chimed in from his spot on the bed.

 

Junmyeon just looked at the two of them and sighed, finally giving in. His normally cheery exterior devolved into the tired, stressed, and overall sad leader that they had been made aware of in the past few months. Baekhyun and Chanyeol listened with their full attention as Junmyeon filled them in on his relationship with Yifan over the past year, and their hearts shattered as they learned just how much their leader had been suffering.

 

Both Baekhyun and Junmyeon looked up as Chanyeol stood up to grab a tissue box, and they realized that at some point he had started crying. Junmyeon held his arms open for Chanyeol to join their cuddle pile, and the giant puppy made himself comfy in his leader's lap.

 

"It's okay, guys," Junmyeon said, eyes staring at the ceiling as he ran his fingers through their hair. "He and I have been through worse. We can get through this."

 

"Hyung, if it doesn’t get better, promise me you'll put yourself first." Baekhyun said quietly, shoving his pinky in Junmyeon's face. The leader's expression immediately softened, and he met Baekhyun's pinky with his own.

 

"They went through everything together, Baekhyunnie. They're like you and me. They can get through this." Chanyeol piped in, and Junmyeon just smiled at the two boys in his lap.

 

"He'll be in town this week, so I think I'll talk to him then. Do you two want to join us for dinner?" Junmyeon reached for both of their hands and grasped them tightly, making the two boys smile back up at him.

 

"You got it!"

 

\------

 

2.20.17

 

He's nervous. Chanyeol spots it immediately.

 

Despite sitting at a rounded table, there is still a very clear division between the two couples. Between the bits and pieces of conversation, and Junmyeon's little jabs at the latter, Yifan checks his phone every few minutes, and Junmyeon just quietly huffs and stares at Yifan longingly. Both Baekhyun and Chanyeol can tell that Junmyeon wants him to put the damn phone down, but he won't.

 

"So, Kris hyung, how has life been in China? It's been a while since we last saw you, hasn't it?' Chanyeol asked, eager to get Junmyeon's attention off of Yifan's phone.

 

"Ah, it's been well. I've been keeping pretty busy with acting projects and CFs," Yifan replied casually, taking a sip of his drink.

 

Junmyeon was bursting with pride at Yifan, but couldn't stop the comment from slipping out: "Too busy to spend time with me, I know."

 

Baekhyun and Chanyeol froze as they saw Yifan's expression completely change. They looked at each other in fear as they knew exactly what was about to happen.

 

"Myeon, is that any way to have a civil conversation? I'm trying my best here to be nice. Seriously, when is it even okay to make jokes like that?"

 

Complete silence from Junmyeon, who can't even look up from his chopsticks.

 

"You're not a child. You know how to make conversation, Myeon. Come on."

 

Complete silence from Baekhyun, whose eyes are locked on Junmyeon. Complete silence from Chanyeol, whose face is contorted into an expression of both shock and utter disbelief. This wasn't the Yifan he had grown up with all those years ago.. What happened?

 

\---

 

Around 11:30 that night, Junmyeon knocked on Chanyeol and Baekhyun's door, apologizing profusely for Yifan's behavior at the restaurant. And somehow, fifteen minutes, later, Junmyeon was once again running his fingers through their hair, as their heads lay in his lap.

 

"I swear he isn't always like that, you two. I had a long talk with him after dinner and he told me he's been under a lot of stress lately and he apologized. We'll be okay, I promise."

 

"Hyung.." Baekhyun started, "he's kind of abusive, isn’t he?"

 

"What?! No, no! He would never hit me. All he does is put me in check every now and then. Believe it or not, but I tend to let my head get in the clouds a lot, and he's really good about bringing me back to reality."

 

"I don't know if he's doing it in the best way, though. I mean, Kyungsoo hyung brings all of us back to reality too but he never does it in a hurtful way. We saw how you shut down almost immediately once Kris hyung started talking to you like that." Chanyeol remarked, reaching up to poke Junmyeon's cheek lightly. Junmyeon just wrapped his hand around Chanyeol's finger.

 

"Thank you for being concerned about me, you two. I appreciate it a lot." Junmyeon hugged Baekhyun and Chanyeol's heads tightly, and Baekhyun tried not to acknowledge the tears he could see forming in their leader's eyes. "I have to go to bed now, and you two should too. Good night, boys."

 

"Good night, hyung!"

 

As their door closed, both Baekhyun and Chanyeol could hear sniffling, and looked back at each other with concern.

 

What could they do? It wasn't their relationship to intervene in.

 

All they could do was hope that Junmyeon would get a reality check sooner or later. Judging by how much time had passed since his relationship with Yifan began, though, it looked like the reality check would be later, rather than sooner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii. 
> 
> this chapter has a little bit more description in it since i prewrote it before fully fleshing it out. hoping this makes the story a little bit more literal... bc right now, it's.. a lot.
> 
> if u wanna catch up w me on other platforms, you can find me on tumblr@citruscake and on twitter@_kjunmye0n. thanks as always for tuning in ~


	6. 06. birthday pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the members of exo put together the best birthday party for junmyeon in order to get his mind off of yifan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> helloooo ~  
> can you believe it's the end of the semester? so much has changed.. both for me and for junmyeon.  
> we're looking at maybe two or three more chapters, but junmyeon's happy ending is coming very soon. 
> 
> :)
> 
> song rec: look - got7

05.22.17

 

11.30 AM

Junmyeon had been missing for the entire day, filming for his next drama. It was almost as if he had forgotten his own birthday, but Baekhyun knew he was trying to forget that Yifan wasn't there to spend his birthday with him. (Again.)

 

Baekhyun took it upon himself to give Junmyeon the best birthday he would ever have. One by one, he corralled all of the members into the living room of their dorm, forcing them to sit in a line as he walked back in forth, explaining the situation to them.

 

"Alright y'all. Our super leader hyung has been more of a super emo hyung, so it's time for us to fix this! We're going to show him that he doesn't need Kris hyung to have a great day! Are you ready?!" he exclaimed, pumping his fist in the air and earning cheers and applause from the rest of the members.

 

"Dae, Kyungsoo, you're in charge of cake. Sehunnie, Nini, you go get him gifts. Yeol and I will decorate the dorm, and Minseok hyung? I need you to be the distraction."

 

Sehun groaned. "Why do I have to go get gifts? I really didn't plan on going outside todayy…"

 

"You know him best, you dumb. You're his roommate! Now go!!!" Baekhyun huffed and shoved the two maknaes out the front door, while Jongdae and Kyungsoo went straight to the kitchen to take inventory of their ingredients. Chanyeol went to their bedroom to pull out their emergency decorations, leaving Baekhyun and Minseok in the living room.

 

Minseok just grinned at Baekhyun from his spot on the couch. "How long do I need to distract him?"

 

"Knowing Suho hyung, he's going to be out super late anyway. Just give me an idea of when he'll be back?"

 

Minseok nodded and opened his phone, opting to text Junmyeon right away.

 

_KMS: Oh Juuuuuuuuuuunnieee ~ <3_

_KMS: When will you be done filming? Wanna get birthday dinner later?_

 

_Junnie <3: Oh my goodness I thought you were Yifan_

_Junnie <3: Yes please, I need something to take my mind off of the fact that he hasn't texted me a single thing all day. REALLY???_

 

_KMS: Just you and me or do you want the rest of the members to be there as well?_

 

_Junnie <3: Just us, please_

_Junnie <3: I'm tired today and I don't have enough energy for 7 people :(_

 

_KMS: You got it. Text me when you're done and I'll come pick you up!_

 

Minseok looks up at Baekhyun, who has begun sorting through the emergency party supplies with Chanyeol. "You have at least six hours, Baekhyunnie."

 

Baekhyun clapped his hands together in excitement. "Perfect! Wanna help us decorate?"

 

Minseok took one look at Chanyeol, who was now tangled in streamers and ribbons, smiled, and politely shook his head no.

 

\---

 

12.15PM

 

"Sehunnie, what do we get hyung as a gift? He has basically everything he could want besides Kris hyung." Jongin whined, folding his arms and sinking back in his chair. "We should just get him a giant teddy bear. So he can hug that instead of Kris hyung."

 

 Sehun eyed him from across the table, taking a sip of his bubble tea. "Minseok hyung told me we have a little over 6 hours to figure out what to get him.. But I don't want to move yet. I just want to finish this tea."

 

"That's your third drink."

 

"No it's not. Shut up." Sehun shoved the two empty cups off of the table, earning a confused look from Jongin.

 

\----

 

3.05PM

 

_Junnie <3: Minseokie. He still hasn't texted._

 

_KMS: Junnie._

_KMS: It's okay if he's busy. You're busy too._

 

_Junnie <3: Why can't he make time for me?_

 

_KMS: Just remember that there's 7 others besides me who love you just as much as he does, if not more._

_KMS: I know you love him, but you tend to get a little lost in the clouds sometimes. We're here for you._

 

_Junnie <3: … okay.. thanks minseokie._

_Junnie <3: Filming is almost done. Two more scenes and then I'll text you <3_

 

_KMS: <3_

 

\----

 

4.30PM

 

"What do you think, Yeollie? How does it look?"

 

Chanyeol pulled the various streamers off of his face to examine the decorated living room. Blue balloons littered the floor, and various blue ribbons were strung across the ceiling. A poster with a crudely written "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR SUPER LEADER HYUNG" hung crooked above the door to the balcony, and Junmyeon's door was plastered with little love notes from each of the members.

 

His gaze finally landed on Baekhyun, standing in the center of it all with the biggest grin on his face. Chanyeol stepped over to Baekhyun and swooped him into a hug, earning a soft giggle from the smaller boy.

 

"We did it, Baekkie. Junmyeon hyung is gonna love it."

 

"I really hope this will be enough to get his mind off of Kris hyung for a while. He deserves so much more than what hyung is giving him…" Baekhyun poked Chanyeol's cheeks pensively.

 

Chanyeol just burrowed his face into Baekhyun's neck. "Agreed."

 

"Disgusting."

 

The two looked up from their loving moment to see Kyungsoo and Jongdae standing in the doorway to the kitchen, one smiling and the other judging. Chanyeol put Baekhyun down, who immediately skipped back to the center of the room to strike a pose. "What do you think?!"

 

Jongdae's eyes wandered around the room, the small smile on his face growing wider. "It's so obvious that you two are the ones who decorated.. I think he'll love it."

 

"Is that an insult or a compliment?" Chanyeol replied, slightly offended. Jongdae just nodded at him.

 

"It's not awful, but it is missing something…" Kyungsoo remarked. He disappeared into his bedroom and returned with a few party poppers, much to everyone's surprise. "They're not mine. Jongin bought them a few months ago because they were on clearance after New Year's Day."

 

Baekhyun clapped in excitement. "Everything is coming together!! I can't wait for Sehunnie and Nini to come back with the gifts!"

 

As if on cue, the door slammed open, with Sehun and Jongin making their entrance in the most dramatic fashion ever. "We're ho~ome!"

 

Jongin peeked over the giant stuffed bunny, with a smile so wide that Kyungsoo couldn't help but smile back. "Soo! Get those party hats from our room, it'll go perfect on the bun!"

 

Jongdae just looked over to Sehun, who shrugged and held up another bag. "Don't worry, we bought him an actual gift too. Once Nini saw the giant bun he couldn't resist."

 

"I don't blame him.. It _is_ pretty cute. Reminds me of hyung." Jongdae replied, watching Jongin and Baekhyun excitedly place the bun on the sofa directly underneath the crooked banner. Kyungsoo returned from their bedroom again with the party hats, and Jongin followed through with his plan to dress the bun.

 

"The oven has about ten minutes left on the timer, is there anything else we need to take care of?" Kyungsoo asked, looking to Baekhyun and Chanyeol for direction.

 

"Nope, all that's left is for Minseokie hyung to go to dinner with hyung and we should be good!" Baekhyun exclaimed.

 

Chanyeol collapsed onto the couch. "Good. I'm exhausted, I'm gonna take a nap." He removed the remaining streamers and ribbons from his hair and hoodie, and promptly closed his eyes. Baekhyun curled up next to him, and immediately both were snoring softly.

 

Sehun placed the gift bag onto the coffee table in front of the birthday-bun, smiling softly. "Please, birthday bun, make this day the best day Junmyeon hyung will have this year."

 

Jongdae stood next to him, kneeling in front of the bun. "Please, birthday bun, give Junmyeon hyung the confidence to break up with Kris hyung."

 

"You think he'll be able to do it?"

 

"I know he can. Everyone has a limit, and he's starting to get really close to his."

 

"I dunno, Dae. He's been with Kris hyung for almost three years at this point."

 

"I feel like Yixing would have been able to really talk some sense into him and get him to do it sooner, but right now Minseok is our best bet."

 

The two turned back to the birthday bun.

 

"Please, birthday bun, give Minseok the power to convince Junmyeon hyung to break up with Kris hyung."

 

 

 


	7. 07. birthday pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minseok helps Junmyeon come to a realization.

05.22.17  
05.00 pm

"Thanks again for taking me to dinner, Minseokie. I think I really needed some free time outside of the dorm," Junmyeon said, downing half a glass of soju. Minseok frowned slightly at the latter's enthusiasm towards the drink.

"Hey, no problem. We can drink more when we get home though, okay? I have even better soju that I'm hiding from everyone. We can crack that bottle open." he replied, gently nudging Junmyeon's glass. The leader pouted and nodded.

The two cooked their korean barbecue in peaceful silence, interrupted only with Minseok asking Junmyeon questions about everything not related to Yifan. Somehow, though, Junmyeon connected every answer back to Yifan, whether it be recollecting a funny story or mentioning Yifan's opinion. Minseok couldn't help but feel concerned at how drastic Yifan's opinions were in comparison to Junmyeon's, and was even more worried as he realized that Junmyeon's 'funny stories' consisted almost exclusively of Yifan being overly critical about Junmyeon's personality and choices.

"These stories you're telling me.. All these things Yifan is teasing you about, didn't he love those things about you before?" Minseok asked as Junmyeon huffed and finished his soju.

"That's funny, I didn't think anyone had noticed these things about me besides him…"

"Oh please, Jun. Give me more credit, you know I pay attention to literally everything," Minseok grinned and poked the leader gently, earning a soft laugh. "You know I understand what It's like to be in a long distance relationship too."

"Yeah, but Yifan and I are way past the point you and Luhan reached. It's too late for us to go back to what we used to be."

"Jun, do you truly see a future with him?" Minseok's answer came in the form of Junmyeon falling into deep thought, placing his chopsticks down and staring intently at them. "I don't think the chopsticks have an answer for you."

"Shh! I'm thinking about it!!"

A couple of minutes passed before Junmyeon lifted his head back up. "… I don't know anymore."

Minseok rested a hand on Junmyeon's shoulder reassuringly. "And why do you think you don't know anymore?"

Frustrated, Junmyeon now opted to stare at the ceiling. He fidgeted as he struggled to find an answer.

"I think.. It sucks to admit this, but.. Seeing how much he's changed over the past year, I'm worried that he won't be good to me in the future, even if he keeps saying things are better when we're physically together. And I know we still have so much time ahead of us.. But, we made a promise back in 2013 that we would make things work, no matter what.." Junmyeon started tracing patterns into Minseok's hand absentmindedly, jiggling his leg anxiously.

"I know Yifan wants me to be with him, but I'm seeing now that I have so many opportunities ahead of me that I would have to willingly give up in order to be with him, and I guess.. I'm not willing to sacrifice any of them just to be with him."

Minseok's eyes widened slightly. "You were planning to give everything up just to follow him wherever he goes once EXO is over? But what about what you want?"

"I don't care about me, Min. As long as Yifan is happy, I'm happy."

"Do you truly believe that?"

The question lingered in the air, Junmyeon's fidgeting starting to get worse. He let out a loud sigh, knowing Minseok's eyes were still focused directly on him.

"I don't know anymore."

Suddenly, Junmyeon's phone lights up from its spot on the table, and the leader immediately reaches for it. His face transitions from happy at seeing Yifan's name to disappointed, but not surprised. Minseok gestured to read the phone, also unsurprised to see a message from Yifan.

FanFan: Happy birthday love  
FanFan: It's okay that I didn't get you a gift, right?  
  
Minseok looked towards Junmyeon, who now had his head in his hands.

"….Let's go home."

\----

6.45 PM

Minseok and Junmyeon arrived at the EXO dorm to complete silence and darkness. A faint glow was coming from the center of the room, and Junmyeon's eyes lit up as he realized they were birthday candles.

Fairy lights light up the rest of the room, revealing the crudely hung streamers and poster, the giant stuffed bunny, and 6 smiling faces staring back at the two. Minseok excused himself from Junmyeon's side and joined the remaining 6, his soft smile complementing the warmth of the living room.

Junmyeon's eyes threatened to flood the room with tears as his members sang happy birthday to him, and he held his face in his hands for the second time that day.

"I don't deserve you guys. You're way too good to me," he choked out through his hands. Jongin came up to him and took the leader's hands in his own, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"You deserve the world, hyung. You work so hard, you're so loving.." Jongin spoke softly.

"You always put others first, too." Sehun chimed in.

"You're so kind and giving," Kyungsoo added.

Jongdae went over to Junmyeon as well, rubbing his shoulders affectionately. "If anything, it's us who don't deserve you."

"And Kris hyung!" Chanyeol chimed in, only to be elbowed in the gut by Kyungsoo.

"So cmon! Blow out the candles!" Baekhyun exclaimed, gesturing to the cake.

Jongin and Jongdae let go of Junmyeon, who inhaled deeply and blew out the candles. The members clapped for him and rushed to hug him, and sure enough, Junmyeon started to cry again.

"Thank you guys so much… what's this?" Junmyeon asked about the gift bag that magically appeared in his hands, courtesy of Baekhyun.

Inside the gift bag was a silver polaroid camera with a small 'KJM' engraved in the corner, and a photo album decorated by the members. Inside the photo album lay a single photocard of the 7 members, signed with one message.

We love you, Lay hyung loves you, EXO-Ls love you! Never forget that you have the best support system in the world, our super leader hyung!  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wonder what junmyeon wished for before he blew out the candles? only sehun knows. d:
> 
> anyway, i have to start studying for my next final exam ~ see you guys soon!
> 
> i changed my twitter url to @_seojohnny and i'm also writing an AU for nct on there, so if you're interested go check it out!
> 
> xoxo pink


	8. 08.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> junmyeon snaps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song rec - outsideOUTSIDE - habits

06.10.17

 

"Come on, hyung. Sure, we're filming right now but we're in such a beautiful place. Can you please put the phone down and pretend you're on a vacation with us?"

 

None of the members had wanted to point it out, but Junmyeon had spent almost all of his down time during their filming for Ko Ko Bop on his phone, furiously typing away. Obviously, there was something incredibly wrong, because after he finished his typing he would launch his phone at his bag and huff in frustration. Chanyeol took it upon himself to try and bring Junmyeon back down to earth. Being the considerate giant he is, he asked the question everyone had been avoiding the entire day.

 

"Did something happen with Kris hyung?"

 

All of the members froze as Junmyeon's head snapped up, shooting a glare at Chanyeol.

 

"Of course something happened with "Kris hyung," Yeol," Junmyeon spat, viciously making the air quotes gesture. "When does something _not_ happen with 'Kris hyung'??"

 

Silence from the members. Chanyeol's eyes are wide with fear.

 

"I don't understand the nerve of that man. We've been together almost three years and he still doubts my ability to understand the importance of my decisions?? I'm not a child. I think I would know pretty well what I'm doing to myself, right Minseok?"

 

Minseok hummed in agreement, holding Jongin's hand to stop it from shaking in fear. Junmyeon was actually _livid,_ and no one had seen him in this state since the times when EXO stood as 12 members.

 

"You'd think that you'd trust someone enough after being through so much with them, especially after three _fucking_ years!" Junmyeon actually laughed, collapsing into a chair. All of them heard his phone buzz, and sure enough he was out of his seat immediately to check his phone.

 

"Unbelievable. I'm over this. I'm done talking to him." Junmyeon threw his phone back at his bag, but every member knew he wasn't done with Yifan.

 

Minseok sighed in frustration. "Jun, this has gone on long enough. Look at you. Look at what he's done to you. Do you really want to live your life like this?"

 

Junmyeon looked up to the oldest, and he sighed as well, running his hands through his hair.

 

"You've been glued to your phone for the past year and a half," Minseok continued, "you're constantly stressing about a future you can't even see anymore, and you're never happy. You don't deserve to live like this. No one does."

 

"These 'funny stories' you've been telling us about memories with Kris hyung? They're not funny, hyung. None of them have ever been all that funny. Kris hyung is really, really mean to you." Jongdae chimed in, eyebrows furrowed in worry.

 

Junmyeon offered a strained smile to Jongdae in response. "Look, all of you, thank you for being concerned about me. I know everything sounds really, _really_ bad but trust me, we'll be okay. In the end, I'm the one who knows him the best out of literally everyone he and I talk to, and I know that he gets on my case like this because he loves me. Once we're physically together I promise we're going to be okay. It's okay. Really. I'm fine."

 

(spoiler: none of them believed him.)

 

"Junmyeon hyung, you say you're fine a lot but … you're really not. I think you're just ignoring all the red flags that come up with Kris hyung but, there's a lot. I know you don't see it now but I pray for your sake that you'll see it soon."  Sure enough, Sehun gently taking his hand in his own was enough to make tears well up in Junmyeon's eyes once again.

 

No one tried to comfort Junmyeon as he broke down into sobs, pulling Sehun down to hug him. Their leader began to apologize profusely, justifying his lashing out with the amount of stress he had been under lately. No one was upset with him for lashing out, and no one blamed him for it, either.

 

"You deserve better, hyung." Kyungsoo finally spoke, and he took his leave from the conversation. Junmyeon faced the ground, his tears making the grass sparkle.

 

"I don't want better.. I want him."

 

_How long are you going to keep telling yourself that?_

 

 

 

Junmyeon's phone went off again, but this time, he didn't move to answer it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter but well, this has been going on too long. it's time suho gets the justice he deserves.   
> see you in the conclusion !


	9. 09. goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a well-deserved ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song rec: 1:27 AM - NCT 127

Monday

 

Junmyeon sighed at his desk, throwing his glasses in frustration and glancing out the window of his bedroom. In the last month he had spent with Yifan, they had fought even more, and his patience with the man was starting to wear thin. He had also spent the last month seriously thinking about what his members had been telling him, and if there really were so many red flags in his relationship with Yifan.

 

Because his thoughts were a mess, and his heart really couldn't see a future where Yifan magically started treating him right, he was now at the point where he was physically writing lists of options. He stared at this list now, surrounded by crumpled pieces of paper and unsent letters to Yifan.

 

_1: Break up with Fan when he's back in town - 3+ months_

_2: Wait for Fan to break up with me - ??????_

_3: Break up with Fan on Friday - 3 days_

 

Junmyeon ruffled his hair in frustration.  Was it fair to wait until Yifan was in town again, and break up with him in person? Sure, it was a more proper conclusion to their relationship, but was it really worth the amount of stress he was going to go through because of it? Ko Ko Bop was going to be released in less that two weeks, and Junmyeon didn't know if he could afford to be stressed during their comeback.

 

Option 3 felt the safest, so that's what Junmyeon went with, circling the date on his calendar with a thick red marker. He had spent the rest of that day in anxiety, crying tears of relief as he realized that he would survive without Yifan. He already had been, anyway, for the last three years, right?

 

\---

 

Tuesday night

 

After a particularly emotionally draining day of filming, Junmyeon had found himself at his wit's end with Yifan. The two were currently in a call of dead silence after Junmyeon had made a lighthearted comment that caused Yifan to snap and go off on him again. This time, though, something felt different.

 

_"Are you fucking kidding me, Myeon? Why is it so hard for you to just take my advice? You know I have the best at heart for you. Nothing bad has ever happened when you follow my advice. Just fucking listen to me. It's not hard."_

 

Junmyeon remained silent. This wasn't the first time Yifan had taken out his anger on him, and after a bit of thought Junmyeon realized it wouldn't be the last. His anxiety caused his heartrate to go through the roof, and his thumb hovered over the end call button.

 

_"Myeon. Did you fall asleep?"_

 

Junmyeon let a single tear escape as he pressed the end call button. When he was sure Yifan couldn't hear him, he broke out in strangled sobs.

 

\-----

 

07.05.17, 7:00PM

 

Junmyeon sat on the floor in his bedroom, staring at memories of his past. As he looked at Yifan's smiling face in every polaroid, all he could hear was the anger in Yifan's voice from the night before.

 

The Yifan he knew and loved was gone. Everyone had known, and he was the last to find out.

 

Junmyeon picked up the polaroids, one by one, and with a bittersweet smile he hid them in a box shoved deep under his bed. His phone lit up, and he glanced over to it. His anxiety kicked in as he saw the name, heartrate rising immediately as he picked up the phone to reply.

 

_FanFan: what's my Myeon up to?_

 

_Myeonnie: just.. looking at old memories_

 

_FanFan: what why_

 

_Myeonnie: I've been doing a lot of thinking lately_

 

_FanFan: thinking about what?_

 

_Myeonnie: big decisions I have to make_

 

_FanFan: like??_

 

_Myeonnie: I can't discuss it through text, it's not right_

 

_FanFan: then you better call me now, I don't have a lot of time_

 

 

Junmyeon threw his phone at the ground, rubbing his eyes furiously. He wasn't ready for this. He really, _really_ wasn't ready for this. Inhaling sharply, he grabbed his phone and pressed call on Yifan's contact name, squeezing his eyes shut.

 

_"Hey."_

 

"Hey…. I.. wasn't ready for this."

 

 _"Oh, we're doing this."_ Yifan's tone had a light, joking manner to it, as if he couldn't sense what was about to happen.

 

"… We can't be together anymore, Fan."

 

Silence reigned on both ends, for what seemed like more than a few minutes (in reality, maybe around thirty seconds).

 

_"…. Okay."_

 

Junmyeon sighed and leaned backwards against his bed. "I don't think I have to explain why." he replied, voice unwavering.

 

_"Yeah.. I get it."_

 

"So…"

 

_"… I have to get back to work. I'll talk to you later."_

 

"Okay."

 

_click._

 

The next thing he knew, his head was in his hands, and he was laughing. Junmyeon was laughing so hard at the absurdity of the situation, how he could predict Yifan's exact reaction.. God, he knew Yifan way too well.

 

As he looked around his room, at all of the little reminders of his time with Yifan, his laughter was accompanied by sobbing. Junmyeon was now stuck in a cycle of laugh-crying, but oddly enough, he didn't feel stressed anymore.

 

His stress about his future, his anxiety tied to Yifan.. It was gone.

 

Junmyeon stood up and walked to his bedroom window, throwing it open and letting the cool summer air blast him in the face. His gaze fell on the city lights of Seoul, on the bustling streets below him.

 

Time didn't stop for him. Time would continue to pass, and it was up to Junmyeon whether or not he was ready to start living it.

 

"Hyung, are you up? Jongin wanted to know if you wanted to come with us to get some sna-" Sehun opened the door to their bedroom, stopping mid sentence as he saw Junmyeon's figure at the window staring out into the night.

 

"Hyung?? Are you okay?"

 

Junmyeon turned to Sehun, smiling widely through tear-stained eyes.

 

"I did it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's it.
> 
> i started writing this fic in the hopes of making my own relationship easier to deal with, when in reality it was definitely not worth the stress, anxiety, or fighting with him. this is a very, very watered down version of my own story. he and i ended on good terms, just as krisho did. 
> 
> it's been a month since i broke up with him, and a little more than a month since i started writing this fic. to those of you who read while i updated, thank you for staying with me until the end. and to those of you who just stumbled upon this fic after i completed it, thank you for reading it. 
> 
> i'm ending this story by saying please, please, for your own sake, know your worth and know when to walk away from a relationship. please, please always put yourself and your own happiness before anyone else's. you have so much more value than you think, and it may take you a while to realize, but you will.
> 
> until we meet again. ♥
> 
> \- pink

**Author's Note:**

> hii. it's been a while. 
> 
> i'm writing this to confront a lot of things i haven't been able to confront.. i hope you all enjoy. writing this is really, really hard but it has to be finished. everything comes to an end, after all. 
> 
> come find me on twitter @_seojohnny or on tumblr @citruscake ~


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